HOW GRANOLAFFLUENT ARE YOU?

Carly Pierce
Dec 14
5 min read

A completely unscientific field assessment.

Ten quick questions to measure your level of Granolaffluence—from rugged minimalism to fully engineered comfort.

Answer honestly. Tally your score at the end. (You can use your calculator app. No one is judging you.)

1. You’re “disconnecting” for the weekend. What does that look like?

A. Disappearing entirely.

No service. No GPS. If something goes wrong, that’s character development. (1 pt)

B. Limited service, but I brought a paper map.

Prepared, but not paranoid. (2 pt)

C. Off-grid, but I’ll post everything later.

Disconnecting is temporary. Content is forever. (3 pt)

D. Off-grid… except for the drone, smartwatch, smart appliances in the RV, and a satellite weather app.

Safety first. Also, the espresso setup is non-negotiable. (4 pt)

2. Your outdoor gear philosophy is best described as:

A. What gear?

If nature wanted me comfortable, it would’ve tried harder. (1 pt)

B. Dependable and proven.

I want gear that works, lasts, and doesn’t require replacing—or overthinking. (2 pt)

C. I researched this for three weeks.

Read reviews. Watched YouTube. Compared specs. Still unsure. (3 pt)

D. I didn’t need it—but it was beautifully designed. And now it’s coming with me everywhere…until the upgrade is released. (4 pt)

3. Be honest. Your cooler situation is:

A. A metal box.

It holds food. That’s the feature set. (1 pt)

B. Insulated and dependable.

Seen some things. Gets the job done. (2 pt)

C. Premium cooler with a divider system and ice strategy.

It’s a practical choice; science. (3 pt)

D. What’s a cooler?

Oh—you mean the Yeti. (4 pt)

4. Pick your ideal “weekend getaway”:

A. Somewhere nearby.

Driving far to prove a point is unnecessary. (1 pt)

B. A lake day with friends.

Simple. Effective. (2 pt)

C. Driving three hours because the views, trails, and breweries justify the mileage.

Worth it. (3 pt)

D. Flying cross-country because your local trails “don’t hit” anymore.

Experiences > excuses. (4 pt)

5. How do you choose outdoor apparel?

A. Durable.

If it survives weather and work, it’s perfect. (1 pt)

B. Sweat wicking & comfy.

It’s from Target or Kohl’s and was probably on sale. (2 pt)

C. Technical, comfortable, and versatile.

I care about performance and quality, and I stick with brands I trust. (3 pt)

D. Depends on the activity.

Hot-weather biking = Rapha. Cold mornings = Norrøna. Yoga = Lululemon. Cabin weekend = Vuori. If I’m unsure? Arc’teryx Veilance—no logos, just performance. Efficiency is chic. (4 pt)

6. You’re setting up camp for the night. What’s non-negotiable?

A. Shelter.

Everything else is optional. (1 pt)

B. A solid chair, reliable firestarter, and a decent tent.

I’m not an animal. (2 pt)

C. Cold drinks, good music, a massive tent, and gear that makes the whole experience.

Comfort, but practical. If I’m outside, I’m enjoying it. (3 pt)

D. A fully dialed setup—

Rooftop tent pitched, camp kitchen ready, hammocks hung, a portable projector with Sonos surround sound rolling for movie night, and the drone scouting fishing spots. We came prepared. (4 pt)

7. Your relationship with consumerism is best described as:

A. Hostile.

I don’t need things. Things need me. (1 pt)

B. Conscious.

I think about purchases. Sometimes too much. (2 pt)

C. Selectively indulgent.

If it improves the experience, I’m in. (3 pt)

D. Intentional, high-quality, and fully enjoyed.

I work hard all week, so when the weekend comes, I do it right. (4 pt)

8. When someone says “We might be roughing it this weekend,” you think:

A. Fine by me.

Discomfort builds character. Comfort builds weakness. (1 pt)

B. Depends on the weather.

Might need to cancel and try again another weekend. (2 pt)

C. Not if I can help it.

Quality gear and planning mean style without suffering—for the most part. (3 pt)

D. When I was in college, sure. Not at my age.

I work hard so the outdoors includes heated seats, adaptive terrain modes, and a comfortable ride home. (4 pt)

9. The phrase “Do I need this?” usually ends with:

A. No.

And that’s the end of the conversation. (1 pt)

B. Probably not.

But I’ll think about it. (2 pt)

C. Maybe…

Let me check one more review. (3 pt)

D. Add to cart.

We’ll figure it out later. (4 pt)

10. Final question: You see an expensive fire pit— smokeless design, heavy-duty steel construction, and optional cooking accessories that make it enjoyable to gather around. Your reaction?

A. Fire is free.

If humanity needed accessories, we wouldn’t have survived the first winter. (1 pt)

B. Interesting.

I’ll inspect the materials, check longevity, and read the reviews. (2 pt)

C. I’ll compare specs—

I’ve got the budget, but I want the best value. (3 pt)

D. Add to cart.

It looks good, works beautifully, and brings people together—worth every penny. (4 pt)

Now, add up your points...

1–10 points:

Granolaffluent Adjacent

You’re not Granolaffluent—personally.

But you’re definitely Granolaffluent-adjacent.

You’re surrounded by Granolaffluent friends, in fact, one of them probably sent you this quiz. You’re not one of us… but you absolutely belong with us.

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